she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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