You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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