4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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