I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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