I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
