oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
