Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
