Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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