I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
