We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
