i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
