stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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