Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
