Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
