Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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