I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
