so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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