im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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