My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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