She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
