Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
