Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
