so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Randomize
