dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
