If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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