dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
