U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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