She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
