I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
