i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
