I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
