i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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