At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
