no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
