Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Why did my mother make you get naked?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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