you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
