If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
