I wanna passion pit in your ass
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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