I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Randomize
