We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
