apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
