My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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