I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
