I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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