1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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