Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
