If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
