Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
