He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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