The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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